detox/elimination day 14

i can't even believe i have made it 14 days!! 2 weeks seems so long, but the time has just flown by. so far the program has been very easy. i am shocked by so many things....
1. i have not cheated. not even when my 2 year old nephew tried to force me to eat his chocolate chip cookie (he is the best at sharing)
2. i have not freaked out once.... i am the type who gets a craving and thinks about that craving until it is satisfied.
3. i am feeling so so good. better than i had hoped. even AF was easy this month.

so, i've got 14 more days to go. last day of the detox is june 20th. and starting june 22, hubs and i are on vacation!!!! 10 days of no work!!! halleluah! well deserved.

on the baby making front.... i have finally set up some appointments. i have set up 2 second opinions. one with the local baby making factory, and one with a well known doctor out of las vegas who does free consultations. first up, on june 20th, the local baby factory. the doctor i am seeing is the medical director of a large group of RE's, and is very well respected by baby making professionals in south flor.ida, so it should be interesting.
and next, on june 22, a video conference with the doc in las vegas. this doc also seems to be well respected and knowledgable and well versed in reproductive immunology.

i am super anxious to see what both doctors have to say.

i have also scheduled an appointment with dr d..... for june 29th. he is on vacation for the month of july.... so i wanted to get in before he goes away. and maybe start bcp. so if i want to get started with another cycle in august we will be good to go.

so much going on..... its crazy. the break was definitely good for me. but now i am ready.... i just need to figure out what we are doing.

detox day 1

i started seeing a new acupuncturist about a month ago..... she (and my last acupuncturist) suggested i do a "cleanse" or "detox". because of all the toxins my body has been subjected to over the last 32 years. so, i spoke to hubs, got him on board and agreed to it. i didn't ask too many questions and i didn't wait to long. i thought it would be better to just jump right into it.....
so. here we go.

this morning i was set up with a whole bunch of appointments. first, dh and i met with the nutritionist who works out of my acupuncturists office. she laid out the guidelines, told us how the detox works, and took some crazy biometric reading with electrodes.
the results of the biometric scan...... we are not the healthiest people ever.... but we are not the unhealthiest (is that a word) people.
here is the gist....gluten free, soy free, sugar free, dairy free, caffine free, alcohol free, and then there are funny things..... like no corn or corn products, only chicken, turkey, lamb, wild game, and fish.
i am required to eat protien at every meal. and 4-6 cups of leafy greens every day. also the detox includes a package of vitamins twice a day and a protien like shake once a day.

after the nutritionist meeting i had an acupuncture treatment. and after that i soaked my feet in a detoxifiying foot bath..... that was some nasty shit. the water just filled up with gunk.

when i left the office i was truly overwhelmed. i went home and cleaned out my fridge and cabinets. i got rid of most temptations....or wrapped them up so they wont be opened until the detox is over.
i also did a little grocery shopping as the cabinets and fridge were basically empty. i was kind of freaking out.
it got better as the day went on.

i have decided to write down what i am eating on here..... mostly for myself. so i have accountablity and dont cheat.
sorry....

breakfast: an apple, pineapple, and watermelon
vitamin pack around 10:15
snack: protien shake
lunch/dinner: ( ate at 4pm) 2 baked boneless skinless chicken thighs, large mixed greens salad with tomato, cucumber, and bell pepper, tossed with balsamic vinegar and olive oil, and large baked sweet potato with sea salt
vitamin pack around 6pm
snack: banana
another snack: puffed rice cereal with rice milk, blueberries and agave nectar.(yum, yum, yum)

symptoms: funny feeling in throat most of the day (sore, difficulty swallowing) mild headache most of the evening and feeling tired. sore neck around 10pm.

no stone left unturned

thats the plan.

thats what we decided after my wtf appt in march. no stone left unturned....

so, i was terrified before our wtf appt that dr. d. was going to say it was time to move on. i was so scared he was going to suggest donor eggs and giving up on my body. but, he didnt.

i. was. shocked.

so we went through my chart. we talked about all of it. including hubs and my thoughts of looking for a new doctor. we laid it all out on the table and dr d said what i needed to hear. he told me he was committed to us. and was willing to do whatever it takes to get us a take home baby.

he made a few suggestions, and after talking for a while we came up with a plan.

no stone left unturned.

i have had every test under the sun. (including all immunological tests)

hubs has also had testing done.... i mean its not that much, but SA continues to be rock star like and recently we did a DNA fragmentation test. which came back normal.

i have completed part one of a two part physical with my GP. just waiting on bloodwork to come back.

and i have started going back to acupuncture. a new acupuncturist. who i love. the next month with my acupuncturist will be pretty intense. 28 day elimination diet, meetings with a nutritionist, weekly b-12 injections, weekly footbaths, and biweekly acupuncture treatments. i think she heard me when i said "no stone left unturned".

i am also planning to speak to at least one other clinic. maybe two.
at my wtf i told dr d that i like him, and i like his clinic, but i had concerns about what else we could be doing..... he suggested i speak to other doctors, and if they make suggestions that he had not thought of..... he would without a doubt consider their ideas.

so i am thinking about a consult with dr. sher. its free..... there is nothing to loose.
and a consult with one other clinic that is somewhat local.

can you think of a stone, rock, or boulder that i have not thought of??? what do you think of my ideas??


p.s. please forgive any crazy type-o's or strange ramblings. i havent blogged in so long and this new blogger format has totally messed me up.

iclw may 2012

welcome iclw'ers!!

thanks for stopping by.

and to all my old blog friends...."hi". thanks to those who have checked in on me. and sent me your kind words..... im ok. trying to be ok.

so....for those who are here for the first time. here is some history.....that was my iclw welcome from november.

since then i have had yet another failed ivf cycle. a chemical. in february.

it rocked me. to. the. core.

i think this is my fourth blog post since then. i just needed a break. for a while i stopped blogging all together. not even reading any blogs. a couple weeks ago, i started to follow along. amazed at all the things that can change in 6 weeks. while i continue to feel like i am standing still.

i signed up for this months iclw in an attempt to find a few new blogs..... all my bloggy friends keep getting knocked up. and while i am truly happy for all these ladies i am still stuck in the struggle. and i need some support. support for an upcoming cycle, and also, starting thursday, support for a 28 day elimination/detox that my acupuncturist has prescribed.

gluten free/dairy free/sugar free/alcohol free/caffeine free.

i am determined..... but this is going to be wicked hard for me. hubs is going to join me on this cleanse.... but if you have some words of wisdom.... any support is appreciated.

i look forward to finding a few new bloggy friends this week..... happy iclw..
xoxo

p.s. this new blogger format SUCKS!

ugh

a girl i work with is preggo.

she is 26. she has been dating the father of the baby since december.

she got pregnant the first time they had sex.


UGH......

where im at

i have to apologize right up front.... my mind is all over the place, so, this post is surely going to run in a million different directions.

it has been two and a half weeks since we found out our last ivf cycle resulted in another chemical pregnancy. my dear hubs was out of town on business during both betas. i had my bff's husband giving me the PIO shots while hubs was away. that friday after i got the call with bad news, i was unable to talk to anyone. i was a wreck. bff texted me to find out what time i would be coming over for my shot. all i could say was, "no shot". bff tried to console me. i wasn't able to speak to anyone the rest of the day. and the following day i looked forward to work. so i could not be in my head for a few hours.

over the next week i was happy to work because at work i can be someone else, not many people there know about my struggle and those who do know don't ask any queations thankfully. when i wasn't working..... i was a mess. i am still kind of a mess.

AF came on february 14th. on february 15th i went for day 3 blood work

i went to the resolve support group that i had posted about. it made me feel even more crazy and confused. i was the youngest person there. which made me feel like shit. the next youngest person was 3 years older and everyone else was 39-41. and of the 6 other women there..... i was the only one who had experienced any kind of pregnancy from any form of fertility treatment. those women didn't understand my feelings of loss. i mean. they were so over sympathetic to my loss. it made me feel strange. these women were in such different places than me..... but i learned a lot from them. one major takeaway was information about the big ivf clinic that is local. i was the only one not going there. they made me feel so much better about my decision to not be there.... and made me scared about going there in the future if necessary.
even though it was uncomfortable, i think i will go back, i think i need to give it one more shot. i was at least nice to talk to other women who are feeling the same things i am feeling.

so in the last almost 3 weeks, i only think about the future. where do we stand. what happens next. what the fuck.
here are some of my ideas, thoughts, and questions......

- i like dr. d. but is it time to move on? do we find a baby factory clinic and give up the personalized attention for 10% higher success rates?
- my amh is low.... fsh is normal. is it time to give up on my eggs? i don't think im ready for donor eggs.....
- we have done two different protocols....antagonist-successful with 3 ivf cycles. 1st cycle 7 fertilized eggs. 2nd cycle 8 fertilized eggs. 3rd cycle 3 fertilized eggs. long lupron- unsuccessful. resulted in 2 lead follies and a cancelled cycle as i did not want to convert to iui. do we ask about another protocol?
- CCRM. they are reproductive magicians. in 2010 their live birth rates for women my age was over 70%! seriously. magicians.
- dr. d tested me for a couple clotting disorders and autoimmune issues. all came back within normal ranges. but, maybe a reproductive immunologist would have some different ideas about the continued losses? i mean, 2 chemicals and a blighted ovum. enough is enough.

along with these thoughts/questions, i have also started to have true feelings that i might never become a mother. or that maybe i am done. both of these feelings scare the living daylights out of me. but, i think it's impossible for me to not have these feelings.

today i called to see if my blood work was in. FSH 7.5 and AMH .56. (maybe scary to some but good news for me! last time i did day 3 blood work my AMH came back at .24) (normal is anything about 1).

and i finally scheduled my WTF. next wednesday at 1pm.

i need your thoughts ladies..... i need your ideas.... what do you think?
i just don't think im ready to give up on my eggs.

.

resolve support group

i was just looking around the resolve website and found a support group in my area....
it's meeting tonight.

has anyone ever gaone to one of these?
what do you think?

maybe i will go?