Monday, February 28, 2011

blog love

thanks so much ladies for all your hopeful words!! it means more to me than i could ever tell you!! xoxoxox to all!

as for AF.....

no sign yet.

this morning i got up, still half asleep and dragged my butt to the bathroom. as soon as i had emptied my bladder, i remembered. shit. forgot to POAS. as i wiped, i noticed a little spotting. so i figured the bitch was on her way. i got ready for work. helped myself to a pantyliner, and stocked my purse with all the essentials.

i got home from work about an hour ago.... still no AF in sight, and no more spotting at all through the day.

will test in the morning if she still isn't here.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

2 days late

I fucking hate a late period!! It makes me CRAZY!! As gurlee said, "Bat-Shit Crazy"

So here I am, 2 days late..... I hate AF.

Yesterday I thought nothing of it. But today, as I woke up and she was still not here i started to think of the possibilities. could it be?! maybe it is!!!

a miracle?

and then i think about the cycle, i really just don't think there was an ovulation this month. i mean i don't know for sure. i usually only gauge based on CM, cervical position etc. i have never done BBT. i could never bring myself to do it, out of fear that i would go insane.

if she doesn't show her face by tomorrow morning i will POAS. i have one of those crappy dollar store tests. whatever. i'll give it a try.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

I'm over it

The Break that is.

I am totally and completely over this TTC break.

In October, I was beside myself excited for this break. I was thinking that these 6 months would be just perfect for me to get back to some semblance of the girl I used to be. Well, I am truly feeling better about myself. It really makes me feel good to type that, and to see it written down, because it is totally the truth.

I think the weight loss has a lot to do with feeling better about myself. I mean, I actually feel better about my body. I was really becoming uncomfortable in my skin. This morning i weighed myself (not an official weigh in day, but really i like to get on the scale every morning, it keeps me motivated) and I had made it to the 20 pound mark!! HOORAY!! I will keep this momentum. I am doing this for me, and my future child. I am creating a healthy place for my baby to grow. (Like my mantra :D)

As for the TTC.

October, November and December were a total break. I mean NOTHING! Not even a prenatal.
Well, not nothing, we certainly didn't go 3 months without sex!! But no trying at all! I really needed that.

January I thought I might be preggers, I got excited, and then I got let down. This month I started using OPK's and life got in the way. (I hate those tests because of the holding it for 4 hours and the whole peeing on a stick in the middle of the day. I don't want to deal with that shit at work!) I also think I didn't ovulate at all this month. CM just wasn't there like it usually is.

So now, as we still have 5 weeks left in this break I am over it. I think it is a combination of reasons. I know it has something to do with actually making it this far. The last month will probably be torture. Also, I think the BFP's have been rampant. I feel like everyone around me, IRL and in blog world is getting knocked up. I keep thinking about those two little ice babies that we have. I pray they will make it through the thaw. I pray that they will be perfect. And, of course, I pray that they will stick.

I still have 10 more pounds to go towards my goal, which will keep me occupied a little. And I have to work a little extra this month to get my hours in check, so that my insurance kicks in on April 1st. I will make it. It will be quick and painless.

37 more days

Sunday, February 13, 2011

a great weekend

it really was great!
saturday was filled with good times with the people i love the most and a cheat day..... i needed it!

started the day with a pedicure

later was brunch with my 2 besties and their loved ones. we met bf's new guy.... finally!! (they have been long distance dating since early november)

i had a bloody mary and smoked salmon benedict. yum!! then a little walk on the beach. i really feel blessed to live in south florida, i has been absolutely gorgeous weather lately.

after brunch DH and i decided it was time for a little time away. we looked at several options....
vegas, st. lucia, a cruise, and the keys (always an option for us). then we watched the social network. what a great movie..... it felt a little like a 2 hour anxiety attack, so intense! but really great, and seriously, could justin timberlake be any more adorable??!!

a little nap, and later we went to dinner. a new steakhouse close by. when they handed me the wine list i got a little excited. i ordered a bottle of caymus cabernet and told DH not to look at the bill!! :D dinner was great!! beef carpaccio with a truffle aioli, arugula salad with shaved parmesan, and a little toast point topped with a delicious steak tartar, wow. new york strip, and truffle fries (my new obsession) and then the best cheat ever.... chocolate bread pudding with vanilla ice cream. OMFG!!

back home to snuggle in bed and watch another movie.... what a great day!!

today DH booked a hotel for our little getaway.....we decided on the keys. i really feel blessed to live two and half hours from PARADISE!! we LOVE the keys. islamorada is our favorite, and the drop anchor resort is just what we need!! its so great to just slow down and do absolutely nothing for a weekend, and in such a great place!!

wishing a happy valentines day to all my bloggy friends!!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

facebook is killing me slowly

it used to be just a couple breeders here and there. but now, i think there is some cosmic, torture the infertiles baby making going on. it is just too much for me.

last week i opened up facebook to a post: "I'm pregnant" followed by an ultrasound photo.

3 days ago i opened up facebook to one of those baby gaga, this is how my baby is growing at 17 weeks posts. BLECH! i hate that shit!!

and yesterday i saw this, "Yikes!! 9 months from now I'm gonna have a little *her last name* running around here. Lol...I can't wait!!!" accompanied by a scan.

a scan with yesterday's day that said 6w6d. really!!


i mean really, Lol??? what are you laughing out loud about?? i am certainly not laughing!!!

this chick has been married for like 5 minutes, and really she's fucking knocked up!!

so, basically, i cried myself to sleep. it was too much.
it's funny how some pregnancy announcements are no big deal and others unravel your world...
this one brought me to a screeching halt, and then i had to hear about it at work today. again. kill. me. now.

so today, i did 2 things. i moved the facebook app to the end of my iphone.... i never make it all the way back there, and usually i FB on my phone. also, i actually logged on to FB from my computer and happily went through, hiding all posts of pregnant women.

i don't need that shit.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

award and ww update

thank you, thank you, thank you!!
thanks so much to mrs. d, and jenny for my very first blog awards!!
i can not express how much the ALI blog community has helped me to feel better about myself and has made this roller coaster so much more bearable.

everyone knows the rules here:

so here we go, 7 things you may, or may not want to know about me.

1. I am obsessed with All My Children. I can't even explain it. I also don't tell anyone IRL about it. I have been recording and watching AMC since I was 13. It's my cousin's fault.

2. I am afraid of the ocean.

3. I have a "thing" with scratch off lotto tickets. I try not to buy them, but i can't help it.

4. If I won the lottery (i mean really won) i would probably go back to school. indefinitely.

5. I wish I could eat pizza and macaroni and cheese every day for the rest of my life.

6. I have two of the best friends a girl could ever ask for. they keep me grounded.

7. I was the drum major of my high school marching band my junior and senior year.

I will be breaking the rules here....
i am passing this award on to:
No, I'm not pregnant, just fat.
Infertility Musings
Calmly Chaotic
A hope and a wish for a gift from a petri dish

as for the ww update. i am still going strong. i have been working out. if you actually knew me, you would be shocked. it's a bit crazy. but i am feeling so good.

last week i was doing so well i was really excited for weigh in time, but then the weekend happened. saturday night i went out with my 2 besties. drank way to much, fell down in a drunken stupor, and smoked a cigarette. ( not a whole cigarette, as i might of thrown up on myself because it was so gross.)

sunday was the superbowl. i read somewhere that the average person consumes over 3000 calories on superbowl sunday. without a doubt i did not consume anywhere near 3000, but the sausage and peppers on a martin's potato bun was AMAZING!! also had a couple chicken wings.
over all i still lost weight. i think it was 1.6 pounds. that is a total of 15 pounds since Jan 3rd!!

WOOO-HOOO! Yeah Baby!!

i am so excited, and planning to kill it this week!! (Garlic festival this weekend... i might need to change my weigh in day, so the weekend isn't fresh in my tummy!)

8 more weeks and 15 more pounds to my goal!!