Monday, January 27, 2014

september cycle start. or not.

so we were going to wait and start the cycle in september….. i felt so much better  

that gave me about 26 days to deal with health insurance, order meds, set up the PGD, get my acupuncturists on board and make my ute baby ready.

it went fast.  i dealt with all the shit i thought i needed.  september 21 came and so did AF.  went in for day 3 labs and cycle start.  the ivf nurse mentioned we hadn't done the genetic screening.

i think maybe someone might have mentioned that….. why didn't anyone follow up, or put it on my checklist of shit you must do.

i'm not sure.

sooooo we had to push it back another month.  we had the blood drawn and shipped out that day for the genetic testing.

choosing a doctor

august 2013
we had to decide.   decide on a doctor for our last ivf.  our hail mary.  the all our eggs in one basket cycle.  the no stone left unturned cycle.

our choices- 

Crazy european doctor in las ve.gas.  says i can't get knocked up and stay knocked up without him and his crazy iv mayonnaise drugs (IViG)


local baby factory doc.  says, "i don't know, maybe we can try?"

(For the record i know that IViG has helped many women with RPL to get pregnant and stay pregnant.  and for that matter helped many with autoimmune issues.
i am not knocking it.  At All.  its just my way.  i mean its got eggs and oil in it....mayonnaise)

hubs was not too keen on an ivf cycle in las ve.gas.  with a doctor we wouldn't meet in person until like 2 days before retrieval.  plus traveling during a cycle sounded like a nightmare.

so we chose the local factory doctor.

he wanted to start right away…..i was on CD1.
he wanted to order meds, have them overnighted, set up PDG with my health insurance, and do the baseline the next morning and get the show on the road. (all in two days)

i was in.  and so was hubs.

and then we left the office….. it was too quick.  i needed a minute.  i wasn't ready.

Sunday, November 17, 2013

j & e

j & e.  my boys.

i found out i was pregnant november 15th of last year.  we had out first ultrasound on november 29th.  there they were.  i saw two sacs right away..... my heart jumped.

and then the doctor said the craziest thing ever.  he said, "two heartbeats."

"are you sure??"

He zoomed in close and we saw them.  2 perfect heartbeats.

j & e were born on july 11.  i was 38 weeks.  

they were perfect.

e (on the left) born at 6:35pm.  he weighed seven pounds twelve ounces and was 19 inches.
j (on the right) born at 6:36pm.  he weighed seven pounds eight ounces and was 19 inches.

they. are. everything.

what if?

so, have you and your hubs ever had the "what if we can't have kids talk"?
i mean the real serious talk... not the casual, it would suck if we couldn't have kids talk, but the real deal, like, "are you going to divorce me, or cheat on me, or have sex with someone else and have a baby with them" talk?
we did.

it.  was.  scary.

and seriously, thats where i was.  this was it.  our last cycle.  and i just didn't think it would work.  i was preparing myself for the earth to crack.

so i asked him.  "are you going to be ok if we don't have kids?  is it going to be enough?  just you and me, forever?"

it.  was.  crazy.

he said he could do it.  but just wanted to know if i would be able to do it..... i said i would have to.... it wouldn't matter.  i am the one who is broken.... he could go out and find someone else to have babies and run off into the sunset with.

it wouldn't matter.

i would have to be ok.

that sucked.

i'm back!

i have missed you all so much!!  i have decided i will continue my story here.  its so crazy to be here and on the other side.  i have so much to update.  i want to catch you all up.

my last post was about a cleanse i did last summer.  well the cleanse went well.  i stayed gluten, sugar, dairy, egg, soy, caffeine, alcohol and corn free for like 30 days..... when my nutritionist hooked me up to a crazy machine after the cleanse she was able to tell me my cells were healthier.  (i can't remember details, but that was the gist.)  it was much easier than i thought it would be, i felt great at the end, and i am actually planning to do it again after the new year.

during the cleanse last summer we contemplated other doctors.  i was feeling like my local doctor, Dr. D., was starting to treat me like a dart board.  just throwing needles out there....maybe something will stick.  i wasn't really into that.  so we decided to talk to a few other docs.  i scheduled a phone consult with the doc in las vegas.  Dr.  and i also set up an appointment with the closest local baby factory.
the las vegas doctor was interesting.  i chose him as he specializes in RPL.  so we did phone consults, ran blood work (everything under the sun was tested on me and the hubs), and after about a month he called me and said i would never be able to get pregnant and stay pregnant without doing IViG treatment.


at the same time we were also consulting with the local baby factory.  man, this place is a factory.  there  are like 10 RE's under one roof.  well, 6 roofs, as they have offices all over south florida.  i chose one of the medical directors and founders of the clinic.  he has a glowing reputation in south florida.  we did the consult.  Dr. H., of course, wanted to run all the labs again, so we did.  i was completely drained of blood in the month of july..... i think between both doctors i had been drained of like 30 vials of blood..... whatever.  the things we do....right?  anyway, after all the testing we went back, AMH was better than previous testing, hubs was showing a little bit of a sperm issue (sorry don't remember the details) other than that we were still inconclusive.  so dr. h says, "i don't know jes, we can try it again if you want."


thats what he said.

Monday, November 4, 2013

all i ever wished for....

here they are.  all i ever wished for.....

(updates to come!)
i have missed you ladies in my life

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

detox/elimination day 14

i can't even believe i have made it 14 days!! 2 weeks seems so long, but the time has just flown by. so far the program has been very easy. i am shocked by so many things....
1. i have not cheated. not even when my 2 year old nephew tried to force me to eat his chocolate chip cookie (he is the best at sharing)
2. i have not freaked out once.... i am the type who gets a craving and thinks about that craving until it is satisfied.
3. i am feeling so so good. better than i had hoped. even AF was easy this month.

so, i've got 14 more days to go. last day of the detox is june 20th. and starting june 22, hubs and i are on vacation!!!! 10 days of no work!!! halleluah! well deserved.

on the baby making front.... i have finally set up some appointments. i have set up 2 second opinions. one with the local baby making factory, and one with a well known doctor out of las vegas who does free consultations. first up, on june 20th, the local baby factory. the doctor i am seeing is the medical director of a large group of RE's, and is very well respected by baby making professionals in south flor.ida, so it should be interesting.
and next, on june 22, a video conference with the doc in las vegas. this doc also seems to be well respected and knowledgable and well versed in reproductive immunology.

i am super anxious to see what both doctors have to say.

i have also scheduled an appointment with dr d..... for june 29th. he is on vacation for the month of july.... so i wanted to get in before he goes away. and maybe start bcp. so if i want to get started with another cycle in august we will be good to go.

so much going on..... its crazy. the break was definitely good for me. but now i am ready.... i just need to figure out what we are doing.