what if?

so, have you and your hubs ever had the "what if we can't have kids talk"?
i mean the real serious talk... not the casual, it would suck if we couldn't have kids talk, but the real deal, like, "are you going to divorce me, or cheat on me, or have sex with someone else and have a baby with them" talk?
yeah.
we did.

it.  was.  scary.

and seriously, thats where i was.  this was it.  our last cycle.  and i just didn't think it would work.  i was preparing myself for the earth to crack.

so i asked him.  "are you going to be ok if we don't have kids?  is it going to be enough?  just you and me, forever?"

it.  was.  crazy.

he said he could do it.  but just wanted to know if i would be able to do it..... i said i would have to.... it wouldn't matter.  i am the one who is broken.... he could go out and find someone else to have babies and run off into the sunset with.

it wouldn't matter.

i would have to be ok.


that sucked.