welcome september iclw'ers!!!

welcome iclw er's!!

i love iclw......because i love comments, and even more i truly get excited for each new follower i have!!

for my bloggy friends who have been following me.... thank you for everything!! your support and positive words have lifted me up and made this ride easier. i feel so very luck to have you in my life! xoxox

for new visitor's.....i hope you stick around! :D my happily ever after is coming!

a few things you should know about me.......

1. i'm not really a fan of capitalization. i usually only type in lowercase, sorry if this bothers you.

2. i love punctuation!!! i might use it wrong...... sorry if this also bothers you.

3. i love my husband more than he could ever know. i feel lucky to have such an amazing man standing by my side everyday.

4. started TTC in january 2009. began seeing RE #1, Dr. D in january of 2010. 2 natural cycle iui's....both BFN. ivf #1....positive beta, chemical pregnancy with rising betas..... treated as an ectopic with a methotrexate shot. went to RE # 2 in july 2010, Dr. Mumbles. ivf #2....cancelled..... two follies big enough to retrieve, other follies too small.

5. after 22 months solid of TTC i had become a shell of the person i used to be. i had alienated
myself from the world. i had gained 30 pounds. i became unable to sleep through the night. i stopped pushing myself towards a better job. i stopped doing things that made me happy. i was miserable.

6. i took six months off from october 2010-april of this year. i need to find me; the old me. i dug my soul out of the ditch that i had thrown it into. i have regained friendships. i have come out of the IF closet to most people in my life (everyone but work people). i lost 25 pounds!! i actually feel good about myself.

7. in april of this year we went back to RE #1, Dr.D for a frozen cycle. and we got PREGNANT!!! i was so happy. the first beta was low... 46. i was terrified. beta number 2 jumped high.... i will never forget that phone call. they said, "you are definitly pregnant!, my beta was 289. and then it rose again 701. i was over the moon. and completely terrified.

8. our first ultrasound revealed 1 gestational sac.... we didn't see anything else, and i knew it was over. dr. d sent us home and said it was too early to worry..... we were going to wait a few days and have another scan..... be positive. yeah right
a week later it was over....blighted ovum. empty sac. my d&c was scheduled on our 3rd wedding anniversary..

9. i picked up the pieces and got back on the saddle.

10. currently we are in the 2ww of ivf #3. i was on bcp for almost 2 months because of cysts on my right ovary. once they dissappeared we got started.... 7 days of stims. egg retrieval went great.... 8 eggs. 7 fertilized. the eighth was an empty zona. and on thursday, september 15th we transfered 2 perfect day 3 embryos. i am praying every day for my miracle.

11. i am feeling pretty good... i am working on my 2ww goals.
a. no stress
b. no POAS- i POAS like mad during ivf #1.... and it was no good. all it did was stress me out and make dh mad. so, since then, we don't even keep pee sticks in the house.... thats what beta's are for.
c. no dr. google. this is most difficult for me. google is like an addiction. i google EVERYTHING!!!!

12. i used to think women who blogged about infertility were a little crazy.....with all the abbreviations, and crazy sad stories. my husband urged me to start blogging because he thought it would be good for me.

i never could have known how special this place would become for me. i never could have known that the women i have never met could mean so much to me. i never could have known i would call these people my "friends". i never could have known this would be the best place for me to share some of my deepest darkest thoughts and feelings. this community is amazing!!!

i am feeling so lucky that iclw is happening during the hardest days of the 2WW. i am so happy i will be able to have you ladies to share my story with! and to occupy my mind and keep me from going crazy :D

thanks so much for stopping by...... i hope you stick around to follow my story because it will have a happy ending! all i want is to be a mom. its all i ever wished for.......