Wednesday, September 21, 2011

welcome september iclw'ers!!!

welcome iclw er's!!

i love iclw......because i love comments, and even more i truly get excited for each new follower i have!!

for my bloggy friends who have been following me.... thank you for everything!! your support and positive words have lifted me up and made this ride easier. i feel so very luck to have you in my life! xoxox

for new visitor's.....i hope you stick around! :D my happily ever after is coming!

a few things you should know about me.......

1. i'm not really a fan of capitalization. i usually only type in lowercase, sorry if this bothers you.

2. i love punctuation!!! i might use it wrong...... sorry if this also bothers you.

3. i love my husband more than he could ever know. i feel lucky to have such an amazing man standing by my side everyday.

4. started TTC in january 2009. began seeing RE #1, Dr. D in january of 2010. 2 natural cycle iui's....both BFN. ivf #1....positive beta, chemical pregnancy with rising betas..... treated as an ectopic with a methotrexate shot. went to RE # 2 in july 2010, Dr. Mumbles. ivf #2....cancelled..... two follies big enough to retrieve, other follies too small.

5. after 22 months solid of TTC i had become a shell of the person i used to be. i had alienated
myself from the world. i had gained 30 pounds. i became unable to sleep through the night. i stopped pushing myself towards a better job. i stopped doing things that made me happy. i was miserable.

6. i took six months off from october 2010-april of this year. i need to find me; the old me. i dug my soul out of the ditch that i had thrown it into. i have regained friendships. i have come out of the IF closet to most people in my life (everyone but work people). i lost 25 pounds!! i actually feel good about myself.

7. in april of this year we went back to RE #1, Dr.D for a frozen cycle. and we got PREGNANT!!! i was so happy. the first beta was low... 46. i was terrified. beta number 2 jumped high.... i will never forget that phone call. they said, "you are definitly pregnant!, my beta was 289. and then it rose again 701. i was over the moon. and completely terrified.

8. our first ultrasound revealed 1 gestational sac.... we didn't see anything else, and i knew it was over. dr. d sent us home and said it was too early to worry..... we were going to wait a few days and have another scan..... be positive. yeah right
a week later it was over....blighted ovum. empty sac. my d&c was scheduled on our 3rd wedding anniversary..

9. i picked up the pieces and got back on the saddle.

10. currently we are in the 2ww of ivf #3. i was on bcp for almost 2 months because of cysts on my right ovary. once they dissappeared we got started.... 7 days of stims. egg retrieval went great.... 8 eggs. 7 fertilized. the eighth was an empty zona. and on thursday, september 15th we transfered 2 perfect day 3 embryos. i am praying every day for my miracle.

11. i am feeling pretty good... i am working on my 2ww goals.
a. no stress
b. no POAS- i POAS like mad during ivf #1.... and it was no good. all it did was stress me out and make dh mad. so, since then, we don't even keep pee sticks in the house.... thats what beta's are for.
c. no dr. google. this is most difficult for me. google is like an addiction. i google EVERYTHING!!!!

12. i used to think women who blogged about infertility were a little crazy.....with all the abbreviations, and crazy sad stories. my husband urged me to start blogging because he thought it would be good for me.

i never could have known how special this place would become for me. i never could have known that the women i have never met could mean so much to me. i never could have known i would call these people my "friends". i never could have known this would be the best place for me to share some of my deepest darkest thoughts and feelings. this community is amazing!!!

i am feeling so lucky that iclw is happening during the hardest days of the 2WW. i am so happy i will be able to have you ladies to share my story with! and to occupy my mind and keep me from going crazy :D

thanks so much for stopping by...... i hope you stick around to follow my story because it will have a happy ending! all i want is to be a mom. its all i ever wished for.......


  1. you're the 2nd person to blog about iclws. what are they? what does it mean?

  2. Happy ICLW! I too am totally thrilled with comments and any/all followers I have. Good luck with your no stressing in the 2WW, it is possible!

  3. i like lower case too! So excited for you in what will hopefully be your last 2ww for a loooong time!

  4. Crossing my fingers that the end of the 2ww comes quickly and that you get some high betas! Hang in there, you have a huge group of people rooting for you!!

  5. Happy 2WW! I hope this cycle is "it" for you.

    I am in complete agreement with your thoughts on this community. The support is amazing!

  6. Sometimes check out this link it will tell you everything . . .

    Jes I'm right there with you in the waiting. I have been following your blog for a while but ICLW is always a nice reminder to make your presence be known.

    You've been through a lot in the last several months. Remember through everything that you are still mourning. Doing IVF treatments and being in one currently is a journey in and of itself. You're a strong person and know how to pick yourself back up. To me that is incredible.

    Remember that during your wait you have all of us here to listen to you and be support for you! My fingers are crossed for you for all the best!

  7. Wishing you an excellent 2ww with an even more excellent conclusion! Happy ICLW!

  8. New to ICLW. Sending positive thoughts for the 2ww. Hang in there!

  9. Jes wishing you all the best....hang in there and yay for no POAS!! Happy ICLW!!

  10. Your story is definitely one that I can relate to. I will be keeping my fingers crossed that you will have a peaceful 2ww followed by a BFP!!! ICLW #7

  11. Ugh, the 2WW is brutal. It's like the one time you try to occupy your mind with something else, the universe conspires to ensure that you can't think about ANYTHING ELSE... and if try after try you don't get that BFP, it starts to become a pattern of "every month for two weeks I just get really stressed out." That adds up! <3 that you get your BFP soon.


  12. Oh the agony of the 2ww!!!! Will be keeping my fingers crossed that you get and keep a BFP!

    ICLW #16

  13. Thinking of you today. I hope this 2ww isn't driving you too crazy! Hang in there. You're almost done!!

  14. This is THE CYCLE! I just know it.

    Keep us posted on the 2WW... dying to hear and praying for a sticky BFP :)


  15. All the very best! Very sorry about your losses.

    I hope the 2ww ends with a BFP, and heartbeat, the works!

    iclw #39

  16. Stopping by from ICLW (#19). I'm sorry for your long road so far :-( Hope your 2ww is going well and I'm impressed with the quickness that you've been able to recover and move on from your D&C to IVF#3. Hope it's the lucky one.

  17. I'm getting anxious to hear from you! Hoping that you've got great news for us!

  18. I love all the amazingly strong women I come across while blogging. Your story is inspiring. I can relate to you in many ways. I have struggled with being a shell of the person I used to be. I haven't quite figured it out yet, but remain hopeful I'll get myself back soon. Sticky vibes during your 2ww!!

  19. Here from ICLW...sending you hugs and good wishes for this cycle!

  20. Sending you lots of thoughts for your 2WW... hoping it is a happy conclusion for you xoxo

  21. Happy ICLW!!

    Sending you lots of baby dust!!!

    Dig in little embryos!! Your Mommy and Daddy Love you!!! (Yes, I like to send little messages to people's embryos lol)

    Your newest follower

  22. I hope this 2ww goes by quickly for you!
    Happy ICLW!

  23. Happy ICLW!

    You know that I'll be following along. Good luck with your 2ww crossing my fingers that the future is bright and babyfilled for you.

    Sprinkling baby dust everywhere!!!