Tuesday, March 15, 2011

who should we be hanging out with??

DH and i live in a cute little neighborhood. 53 houses, everyone knows everyone. and everyone knows everyones business. there are several desperate houswives, who let you know the gossip of the week.... some couples with kids, some without. many of the couples on our street hang out at our next door neighbors house. we have hung out with them a few times, they usually just have improptu get together filled with heavy drinking. DH has hung out more times than me, for a couple reasons...1. i don't drink that often and 2. i work crazy hours.

so saturday night they were all next door when we took the dog out back.....they asked us to come over.

i sat to chat with a fellow infertile. (i mentioned our struggles to her once because i had an inkling they were in the same boat, she told me all about it right away, she has an auto-immune that has prevented them from having kids) she asked how things were going.... i told her we have been on a break for such a long time and i am ready to get started again, but we are going to wait a little bit longer..... i don't want to share too much with people i have outed myself to.
she started to talk about people she knows who have tried so hard and spent so much money, only to be disappointed with no hope of a baby in their future. she said to me, "i just don't want you guys to go through all the pain and struggle and end up with nothing to show for it next year."

i could not imagine...... really! i told her we were in it for the long haul....
i told her i am only 32, and as i see it, i have so much time to make this work. (she and her husband decided after her auto-immune Dx to not try at all) i also told her that i truly believe that the things you want to most in life are the hardest things to get, and we have to be willing to fight for what we want.

i mean, everyone is entitled to their opinion, and clearly ours are different..... then i told her we had just started seeing an acupuncturist..... she asked who. as i was saying acupuncture lady's name, she cut me off and said, "Hate Her!" she said, "i would tell my best freind to find someone else." she told me about her experience, which was completely different from mine, and then said she felt like acupuncture lady is just in it for the money.....


i can't stand the debbie downer's in this world. first she basically told us not to try, and then tried to make me feel terrible about my decision in acupunctuist. there is a part of me that appreciates the feedback.... something to watch for, but at the same time, don't be so nasty.
i am really in a positive place right now. i have worked hard to feel better about myself and the shitty hand we have been dealt. i am truly ready to fight for what i want, but it's hard to not let those debbie downer's get to you sometimes.

after i went home, i thought a little more about what she said, and the other people we were hanging out with. a group of people without children. all for various reasons. i decided that these are not the best people to surround myself with. acupuncture lady made an impact. i think i might rather hang out with preggo's than people who are living their lives without children...... at least then i am sending the right messages into the universe.


  1. I hope this little quote helps:
    “Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no help at all.”
    -Dale Carnegie

  2. She sounds like a total debbie downer. You don't need people like that in your life. Even the best of doctors have some people that just don't like them, so I don't think its a bad sign at all that she has that to say about your accupuncturist. She is probably bitter because she couldn't be fixed.

    You guys will conceive! You already know that you can get pregnant....you just have to find that magical embaby that is "the one" (or two or three) : )

  3. Yuck! How unfortunate. Misery love company, ya know? I would take what she said with a grain of salt, it sounds like YOU like acupuncture lady so who cares what she says.
    I am glad you are feeling positive, you are inspiring me to find an acupuncturist down here! Whatever helps to take care of you during of stressful time is great!

  4. Hi there, just found you off the LCIW link.

    Sounds like she needs a happy pill. Stay positive and do whatever gives you the courage to do what you have to do in order to get your baby :)

  5. UGH - I can't stand it! Debbie Downer is right. You do not need that, and really, how unnecessary were her comments? I thought there was a woman pact that you try to support other women, not voice your own pessimistic opinion. Obviously, this chick doesn't have tact.

    Sorry she brought you down.. DO NOT let her ruin your ambitions. You are on the right track, you are strong, courageous, and inspiring... it will work out.

    Thinking of you and can't WAIT for updates when you start the process!

  6. I love Pollyannas and I think they're good for the mental heart and soul. I say ditch those folks and come hang out with me instead. I promise we'll neither get caught or arrested... too often.

  7. this sounds like so many conversations I've had with other women. It is so difficult to find the right kind of people who will support and encourage you. It is especially hard with neighbors, because there is this expectation that you will all be friends. We actually avoid our neighbors for that very reason. I mean, we wave and smile, but thats about it. I just don't need them all up in my business. I am sure that they are super nice people, but on the chance that they aren't it would be hard to avoid them! Good luck figuring out how to best deal with yours!

  8. Here from ICLW - I was wondering if maybe she just was trying to be supportive when she said about not wanting you to go through the infertility mill, but it all came out a bit wrong?