a happier me

i have been thinking so much lately about the last year and a half..... about everything. it's crazy. (sorry if this post is all over the place, but so many things to say :D)

at the beginning of 2011 i just prayed that it be better than 2010, and so far, it's been perfect as compared to 2010.

i mean really.... in feb 2010, DH's mom died. BAD!! (they weren't close at all. but still it was a really bad start)

in march 2010, my SIL, who i truly love like a real sister, had a massive stroke. REALLY BAD!! (thank the lord she is doing AMAZING!! we are so blessed to have her in our lives)

in between both awful experiences we had 2 IUI's and two BFN's.

basically 2010 didn't have a chance after that. i mean really. it was just all downhill from there.

so far 2011.....PERFECT!! i am feeling so great!!
i really think that acupuncture has done wonders for me! the weight loss is also not a bad thing :D

since i started acupuncture, i have noticed several changes.

1. less headaches. i am one who has headaches everyday...but since we started seeing the acupuncture ladies i have had 2. one after drinking all afternoon (st. patty's day parade) and one on the first day of AF

2. AF changes~~~ TMI ALERT~~~
no clots at all this month, and no spotting before AF came.
acupuncture lady, the cute pregnant eastern european one, was so excited to hear the news about changes to AF.

3. this one is big!! since the initial meeting with acupuncture lady (the head doctor), i don't hate preggos anymore. it's crazy how one single conversation could change the way i feel. really, 5 weeks ago i could not stand the sight of preggo's or women with new babies. and since that conversation, i am so different. i speak to preggo's, congratulate them, and am truly excited to see them once the babies are born!! isn't it amazing how one person can give you their persperctive and completely change the way you feel in one tiny conversation.....

4. calmness. i feel this overwhelming sense of calmness. i just feel better.



i had an interesting conversation with a co-worker today....
"S" is a woman i work with, usually twice a week. she is an older woman, late 50's i believe. a very religious woman....very health conscious... and really just a good person. she asked me today if DH and i plan to have children. i responded with my standard shoulder shrug, "one day."

she said, "i see the way you love children, and i have been praying for you, that you have a baby of your own."

(sigh)

and then she said that she has been praying for me for a while, but recently it dawned on her, maybe i don't want children. she decided it was best to ask me if i did want kids because "she didn't want to pray for me to have a baby if i didn't want one" it was so cute and made me smile.... i said, "Thank you so much, and please do continue to pray for me."

she promised she would.


i can't believe our break is almost over.... 6 months without ANY fertility treatments, 6 months of no doctors, 6 months of working on me, 6 months to find the happiness i used to have. in october 6 months felt like a lifetime..... and now it feels like it went by in a flash.
i realize now that infertility has changed me forever, but i don't believe it is all bad. infertility has taught me just how much fight i have.... and for real, i have got a lot of fight in me. i am ready to fight, and i am ready to make a baby, and i am ready for all that this ride has to throw at me....


in 3 days we are taking a trip to the florida keys, we live two and a half hours from paradise, and i fully intend to enjoy every minute of it.

in 7 days our break is officially over. back to the doctor's we go.

in 16 days i start Lupron

and in 51 days we will transfer two beautiful 5 day old blasts.

i am so ready!!!