there are two reasons i think that i am a bad friend.... well two glaringly obvious reasons.
1. i spoke to BFF today. i had been hiding from her ever since DH told me she was 5 days late. that was tuesday. usually we speak 2-3 times a day. ( i know, it's ridiculous, but it's the truth)
she had gotten her AF.
she told me that it was late, and she thought she was knocked up, but was freaking out because she had POAMS (pee'd on a million sticks) all BFN.
i was so relieved to hear she had gotten AF. which made me feel like a jerk.
a total ass hole.
2. this is the major reason i am thinking i am a bad friend.
i have a girlfriend with a little baby. and it is awful to say, but i HATE her. and really i used to like her a lot. but now, i hate her. there are many little things that have caused me to have utter disgust for her.
a. got pregnant the first time she tried.
b. a month before she got preggers, she told me they weren't having kids because she was way too selfish to care for any children
c. she got pregnant to make her husband happy (not a fact, but something that many people believe to be true, not just me)
d. while she was preggers, she always complained about gaining weight, and how inconvenient it was
e. i took her out to lunch, because i had missed her baby shower due to a meltdown in the shower while getting ready..... at that lunch she made two completely horrendous comments to me. the first was that she was afraid she would never sleep again, and would take advantage of every minute in the hospital by keeping the baby in the nursery so she could sleep. the second was about coming home from the hospital...she had said that she would have her mother bring the baby home that day so that she and her husband could go and eat sushi and have a beer.
after that, i had decided she was a crazy lunatic.
f. the newest and most upsetting to me. she went on vacation for 12 days, and left her 13 week old child at home.
now i know that everyone goes away without their children. and if i am offending anyone with my judgments, i apologize. but, i think because i hate her so much already, the vacation is just a little more icing on the cake of hatred that i am baking.
in her defense, she has no idea what is going on with me. she has no idea that we had been TTC for 7 months before she tried that one little time. she has no idea about all the tears i have shed, the time i have spent, the meds i have taken, the doctors appt's i have gone to...... she knows nothing.
and maybe, she has no idea how lucky she is. maybe she doesn't understand how much of a miracle that little boy is. and how precious life is. maybe her ignorance is her bliss
and, unfortunately, i hate my friend because she has a child.
this is why i might be a bad friend.