prepping for the follow up

i scheduled the ivf follow up appt for monday morning at 8:30am.

this is probably crazy. i thought several times about changing the appointment, but really, lets just get it over with. i would like to get the answers i need, and move on. i don't want to be thinking about all the what if's for any more time.
so this morning, i made breakfast for my amazing husband, and now have been prepping for the "www appt"
i have a lot of questions. i have written them all down, and i plan to run through the list and get answers. dr. d may want to kill me after tomorrow. :D
there were a lot of questions i had throughout the cycle that i didn't ask. probably because i think that i know how to keep myself from going absolutely insane...
questions i did not ask throughout this ivf cycle include egg and embryo quality. i think that this could have made things worse if i knew while it was going on, no matter if the news is good or bad.
we plan to move forward with another ivf cycle. i have insurance coverage which pays for everything. i mean everything. unfortunately, my insurance coverage is over on november 7th. i will be loosing the best insurance on the face of the planet, so,we would like to fully take advantage while we can.

not viable

numb.....

the beta went down. "not a viable pregnancy"
those words sound so terrible.
i think i let my hopes get too high after monday's beta went well.
when i was leaving the doctors office today the receptionist asked if i was keeping my hopes up.... that was when i started to doubt that today's beta would be good. SHIT!
dr. d said i would be getting my period, and also might feel a little depressed....well obviously i might feel depressed! SHIT!
back to the drawing board.

YAY!!

IT WENT UP!!!!

76

Holy moly!! I am so excited!!

today i am pregnant

today i am pregnant, but tomorrow i might not be.

pregnancy gray area is not really fun. for people who have never worn these shoes it is positive or negative, there is no maybe you are pregnant....especially after a blood test.

so, 26. that was my beta on friday at 17 dpo..... who knows what tomorrow will hold.
i think i will be more surprised if it is a climb in the right direction, than if it is a negative.

this is the first time i have ever been pregnant in my life.... wow. that's crazy. but it could be quickly taken away from me tomorrow.

twenty-six

So Dr.D called yesterday as I was walking through HomeGoods with BFF. My phone rang, and I knew who it was before I even looked at the caller id. I slid my finger over my iphone to answer the call. I slid it again. the touchscreen wasn't working, i couldn't pick up the call. i started to panic and then it picked up.
"Hi Dr.D"
Dr. D did not sound great, "Hi Jessica, we got back your beta, the number is really low. 26"

I don't think i have ever had so many emotions running through my body. Excited it wasn't negative..... sad it wasn't an awesome number like 208 or something.
Dr. D was not happy with this number,26, it seemed as though he just didn't want me to get my hopes up. So i will continue with progesterone and estrogen patches and go back on Monday for another beta. Hopefully a beta in the 200 range :D

There is a part of me that just has to stay positive. It could go up. If we stay positive, maybe the beta will stay positive. That's all I can think.

14dp3dt

Today was the beta.....

Waiting on results.

I started spotting yesterday, it was like brown bits. I did not let it get to me. No big deal. Spotting is normal. Everything is ok.

As soon as we got to Dr. D's office this morning the waterworks began. I couldn't even stop it. I guess I was crying because I was relieved that we actually made it to beta day. It was just finally being there after two weeks. I couldn't even handle it. I love the nurses in Dr. D's office!! Everyone stopped what they were doing. There were like 5 other patients there, and they all made me feel like i was the only one who was important!! I love love love those ladies!!

Well the wait is almost over.

12dp3dt

Still Waiting......
Tomorrow is cycle day 26. D-day I guess. If I am not preggo, I could get AF tomorrow. CD 26 is always when it comes. I am secretly scared. Why couldn't I have already had my beta??
I took off work tomorrow and friday. There is no way in hell that i wanted to be caught off guard with any news. Maybe this is me being negative, but I think this is also me protecting my heart from unnecessary hurt.
Wish me luck!!
Will post after my beta on friday.