i have learned

i was propostitioned yesterday..... not in the gross, dirty way. it was at work.
they asked me if i wanted my old job back. lots more money than i make now, lots more responsibility than i have now (which is none), and a lot more time at work. when i was laid off 2 years ago i was working 50-60 hours a week.

i almost laughed.... right at my boss...

and then the smartest thing i have said in a long time came out of my mouth....and i didn't really even think about it, it just came out.
i told my boss that the last 2 years of my life have been maybe the hardest years i have had, but i have learned how to fight for what i want. i have learned that the things i want in life are worth the fight....and that job is settling.

i will not settle

infertility made me strong enough to say that. infertility gave me the fight.
i am a stronger person than i was 2 years ago.

my boss had no idea what i was talking about in terms of my struggle.... but that didn't matter. at the end of our conversation he told me that he respected me more for saying no. that he understood my desicion and wished that he had been able to make that choice for himself. to get out of a job he didn't love. to fight for more.

i will have my dream job. i will be a mom. and i will fight for the things i want....