hoping for some help

dh and i went to visit the famous Ripley's Fertility Statues!!

i have read about the statues on other IF blogs and recently found out they were so close... i mean 3 hours is nothing. i was thinking we could just make a day of it... and i wanted to do it before our upcoming cycle. but then we were invited to a weekend away with dh's family in north florida... so, i nervously asked dh if we could make a detour to orlando (an hour and a half out of the way) to touch the statues... (i was afraid he was going to call me crazy) to my surprise he didn't think i was crazy at all, and we went!!

the statues are in the lobby of the orlando ripley's..... it was nice that we didn't have to do the whole museum.... if you've seen one ripley's i think you have seen them all.

i was so excited!! we signed the guest book, i rubbed the statues and then told dh he had to do it too... he was happy to rub the lady statues boobs (such a boy sometimes) then we took a couple pictures.... a few of the employee's came out and wished us luck.... it was great :)

all clear:edited

my asshole cyst (on my right ovary) is gone! well almost. it was a shriveled up little piece of nothing today. which means we are finally good to go!

last bcp will be on saturday morning, the 27th.
baseline ultrasound and cycle start on friday september 2nd.
lots of monitoring the week of the 5th.
last time i stimed for 8 days and this time my menopur and bravelle doeses are higher. which lead me to believe i will again stim for 8 days. which puts us at retrieval on monday, september 12. and transfer on saturday september 17. i have taken the whole week off work..... just in case.
i am so ready.

two bcp

i wish i had someone take a picture of me this morning when the nurse at dr. d's office told me to take 2 bcp each day for the next couple of days. i wish that i could have seen my reaction.

i wanted to throw a brick at her head!

seriously..... isn't it bad enough that i am on my fourth consecutive week of birth control pills. that i have been spotting since june 28th. (with the exception of the 5 days when i had my period.). that i am basically a stark raving lunatic at any given moment on any given day. TWO!! you want me to take TWO pills a day! i truly thought my head was going to spin around exorcist style.

please say a prayer for my dear hubs. please say a prayer that i make it through the craptastic-ness that is birth control pills.

there is good news though! the bcp have been doing their job. right side is looking much better...... only one cyst now and it is drastically smaller than it was a few weeks ago(20mm this morning) it is small enough for them to proceed, but they are throwing in an extra week of torture for good measure :-)

hopefully going to start meds around september 2nd.....retrival week of the 12th. i'm ready

birth control is the devil

first of all, the fact that i am taking bcp at all is rediculous. all i want is a baby.
i love going to the pharmacy to get my Rx for bcp and prenatals at the same time.... the poor pharmacist didn't know what to do..

second of all, i am a crazy psycho bitch right now.... i have been for a couple weeks. i doesn't take much to set me off. and when it happens, i am instantly yelling. (generally i am not a yeller. i am a libra. calm, cool, collected. i talk about things not yell). i am starting to feel bad for the hubs, as obviously he is taking the brunt of the bat shit craziness.
zero to bitch is happening faster than you can even count to one.

yesterday someone cut me off while driving and i almost got out of the car. i saw myself walk up to their window, bang like a psycho and then i saw myself scream obsenities while punching them in the face. i almost did it. instead i rolled down my window and called them names. but really, i wanted to get out of the car... i was to afraid the douchebag was going to have a gun and shoot me in the head....

i hate bcp.... i hate it.

i think i have like 10-12 more days.... hopefully i come out on the other end with all my hair still on my head, and a husband that still loves me.

i have learned

i was propostitioned yesterday..... not in the gross, dirty way. it was at work.
they asked me if i wanted my old job back. lots more money than i make now, lots more responsibility than i have now (which is none), and a lot more time at work. when i was laid off 2 years ago i was working 50-60 hours a week.

i almost laughed.... right at my boss...

and then the smartest thing i have said in a long time came out of my mouth....and i didn't really even think about it, it just came out.
i told my boss that the last 2 years of my life have been maybe the hardest years i have had, but i have learned how to fight for what i want. i have learned that the things i want in life are worth the fight....and that job is settling.

i will not settle

infertility made me strong enough to say that. infertility gave me the fight.
i am a stronger person than i was 2 years ago.

my boss had no idea what i was talking about in terms of my struggle.... but that didn't matter. at the end of our conversation he told me that he respected me more for saying no. that he understood my desicion and wished that he had been able to make that choice for himself. to get out of a job he didn't love. to fight for more.

i will have my dream job. i will be a mom. and i will fight for the things i want....

getting started

for some reason, with every cycle we have had, the day that i set up delivery for our meds is the day that it feels real. so today it feels real.....ivf #3, here we come! may the 3rd time be a charm! (i am hoping and praying with everything in me that the third time is truly a charm).

the bcp's are making me crazy...... i HATE them the most out of all the meds..... for some reason i truly feel like the bcp are the absolute worst part.....luckily it's the first part and so much easier after they are done. my pack is over on friday....but i have to start on a new pack on saturday..... more craziness awaits! i kinda feel bad for the hubs because he feels the worst of the crazy time :) lucky for him, he is going away this weekend.... off to catch lobsters in the keys.... i hope he gets a lot!! i love love love florida lobsters!

our next ultrasound is scheduled for aug 16th..... then we will know what is going on with the giant cysts that opened up shop on my right ovary.....hopefully the bcp have sucked the life out of them and we can get this show on the road....if so, we will get our schedule that day, i hope. i believe dr. d wants me on bcp until the 23rd. perfect timing for AF to arrive for our little beach vacation the last weekend in august :)

3rd times a charm..... please!

does the feeling come back ever???

the feeling in your backside...... does it ever come back?? i did PIO shots for about 7 weeks, but it's been almost 6 weeks since

i mean there is feeling there......but it's different...strange....not like the rest of my skin.

what gives?