please lord let this week go by quickly!!
it's all that goes through my head......as of today we have one more week left in the worst 2 week wait ever.
next thursday is our first ultrasound and i am so scared. excited. nervous. anxious.
this week has been ok.
i have been working two jobs for the last 8ish months. once or twice a week i wait tables at a high end steak house. i have not worked since we started this FET. (since transfer week). i jsut didn't want to deal with the stress of worrying if i was lifting too much or worrying if i could find someone to help me. so once we had the last beta, dh and i talked about my second job. we decided it's just not worth it. so, i needed to quit.
i put it off as long as i could, because i was nervous about quitting. i was scared they would think i was a jerk, or not understand. so on tuesday i went to speak to my boss. (he knew about our situation). i told him it was "good". (because i am not ready to say the words quite yet to anyone but dh.). he was so happy. i said right now the list of things i am not allowed to do is much greater than the list of things i am allowed to do.....so i just can't work. he said fine, no problem.....but he wasn't going to terminate me. he said he would just keep me on. just not schedule me. that way, if i want to come back, anytime, i could....no paperwork needed. i was so suprised and happy.
then i thanked him.... i thanked him for being so great with me for the last year and a half. for not fucking with me, and scheduling me when i wanted, and not scheduling me when i wanted. i was in tears trying to share my appreciation....and then he was in tears. i told him i didn't think there were words for my level of appreciation.
i went in sick to my stomach, and left happier than i could think..... it was so nice.
i have been blowing off a friend of mine this week.....she knew beta's were coming up last week....but was out of the country. now she is back and has left a couple messages. i am just not ready to say it. (i mean there are a few people who know.... dh's parents (because he works for them, they know everything, that way dh can go to all appointments with me), my mom, dh's bestie, and my bestie.).
is it crazy i am afraid to say it out loud?? i am scared to say it.
but i feel like a bit of a douche about it......i have just been blowing her off.
(a little about symptoms...sorry. i have to write it somewhere)
this week i have had days of nausea and days of feeling fine. mostly feeling fine, which totally makes me even more nervous.
i changed prenatal vitamins this week, which i think has led to some constipation.... i think i am getting it under control.
yesterday the nausea got pushed to the next level, by the smell of dog food. i have been feeling like if i get sick, maybe i will feel better. WRONG! just felt more sick. i have realized i just can't eat too much at all....i am snacking constantly....no real meals... thats when i want to be sick.
i think my boobs grew overnight last night. and. they are standing up a little more. it feels like i got implants when i wasn't paying attention!!
i have also realized my pants are getting a little tighter....but only in the evening. in the morning they are fine...when i get home from work i just can't wait to get out of my clothes!
i am a sleeper. i have always been a hard sleeper. my whole life. i think this is the worst change happening. i am not usually one who gets up in the night to pee or get a drink. but lately, i am awake to pee at least once a night if not more. and the other day i woke up because i was thirsty! really! thirsty?! never in my life. it made me angry....which made it harder to go back to sleep. i have also been tossing and turning....unable to stay comfortable. left side. right side. covers on. covers off. it's not so fun
the pio is getting a little more difficult..... but still 100% better than the dreadful endometrin! it feels like the top layer of skin is feeling a little numb, and under the skin, welts. not big, but they are there. in the morning, as i roll out of bed....thats when i really feel it! for some reason, thats when it hurts the most.
i've been reading blogs this week, but not commenting too much. i am sorry. but know that i am reading and paying attention. :D
tomorrow.....6 weeks! (i think. 6 weeks ago was cycle start) :D