j & e

j & e.  my boys.

i found out i was pregnant november 15th of last year.  we had out first ultrasound on november 29th.  there they were.  i saw two sacs right away..... my heart jumped.

and then the doctor said the craziest thing ever.  he said, "two heartbeats."

"are you sure??"

He zoomed in close and we saw them.  2 perfect heartbeats.

j & e were born on july 11.  i was 38 weeks.  

they were perfect.

e (on the left) born at 6:35pm.  he weighed seven pounds twelve ounces and was 19 inches.

j (on the right) born at 6:36pm.  he weighed seven pounds eight ounces and was 19 inches.

they. are. everything.

what if?

so, have you and your hubs ever had the "what if we can't have kids talk"?
i mean the real serious talk... not the casual, it would suck if we couldn't have kids talk, but the real deal, like, "are you going to divorce me, or cheat on me, or have sex with someone else and have a baby with them" talk?
yeah.
we did.

it.  was.  scary.

and seriously, thats where i was.  this was it.  our last cycle.  and i just didn't think it would work.  i was preparing myself for the earth to crack.

so i asked him.  "are you going to be ok if we don't have kids?  is it going to be enough?  just you and me, forever?"

it.  was.  crazy.

he said he could do it.  but just wanted to know if i would be able to do it..... i said i would have to.... it wouldn't matter.  i am the one who is broken.... he could go out and find someone else to have babies and run off into the sunset with.

it wouldn't matter.

i would have to be ok.


that sucked.

i'm back!

i have missed you all so much!!  i have decided i will continue my story here.  its so crazy to be here and on the other side.  i have so much to update.  i want to catch you all up.

my last post was about a cleanse i did last summer.  well the cleanse went well.  i stayed gluten, sugar, dairy, egg, soy, caffeine, alcohol and corn free for like 30 days..... when my nutritionist hooked me up to a crazy machine after the cleanse she was able to tell me my cells were healthier.  (i can't remember details, but that was the gist.)  it was much easier than i thought it would be, i felt great at the end, and i am actually planning to do it again after the new year.

during the cleanse last summer we contemplated other doctors.  i was feeling like my local doctor, Dr. D., was starting to treat me like a dart board.  just throwing needles out there....maybe something will stick.  i wasn't really into that.  so we decided to talk to a few other docs.  i scheduled a phone consult with the doc in las vegas.  Dr. Sh.er.  and i also set up an appointment with the closest local baby factory.
the las vegas doctor was interesting.  i chose him as he specializes in RPL.  so we did phone consults, ran blood work (everything under the sun was tested on me and the hubs), and after about a month he called me and said i would never be able to get pregnant and stay pregnant without doing IViG treatment.

ok.

at the same time we were also consulting with the local baby factory.  man, this place is a factory.  there  are like 10 RE's under one roof.  well, 6 roofs, as they have offices all over south florida.  i chose one of the medical directors and founders of the clinic.  he has a glowing reputation in south florida.  we did the consult.  Dr. H., of course, wanted to run all the labs again, so we did.  i was completely drained of blood in the month of july..... i think between both doctors i had been drained of like 30 vials of blood..... whatever.  the things we do....right?  anyway, after all the testing we went back, AMH was better than previous testing, hubs was showing a little bit of a sperm issue (sorry don't remember the details) other than that we were still inconclusive.  so dr. h says, "i don't know jes, we can try it again if you want."

yeah.

thats what he said.

all i ever wished for....

here they are.  all i ever wished for.....

(updates to come!)

i have missed you ladies in my life

xoxo