Good bye 2010

Or should I say GOOD RIDDANCE!!
2010 was..... Craptastic.

I had this big post planned about all the things that happened in 2010. all the garbage, all the shots, wandings, visits to the doctor, death and destruction.

but really, i just don't want to dwell on bad stuff.

2011 is finally here. i am ready. i am excited. and i am moving forward. 2011 will be better. it will be great!!

so to you, all my blog sister i say "thanks" thanks for being there. holding my hand, and sharing your stories. i don't think i would have made it without you.

and also, i'm not speaking to you til next year!! ;D

hope

i don't think it is possible to completely erase TTC from my brain. i mean really we have been doing it for so long that it happens to just be part of the routine.

i get alerts regarding my cycle via mymonthlycycles.com. they email me when i am about to ovulate, and also when AF is on her way. i have been using this website to track AF for ever..... before we got married i started using it to make sure i didn't get knocked up (if i only knew).
also, to say we are not trying is not completely true. i mean we aren't taking any precautions.
i think it would be crazy to not at least do what we can.

so i get the email about ovulation, which after 47 cycles is usually pretty close to accurate, and then we do our part :) i know this is not an exact...... i am not using opk's. i am not tracking my temp. i am not doing anything that would actually confirm an ovulation, but really, by this point i kinda know what my body is telling me....

and then i sort of forget about it. until around CD 24.

today is CD 26. i got an email this morning saying that AF should be showing her head tomorrow. (also, usually pretty accurate, when my body is not pumped full of fertility drugs)
i don't know if she is coming..... i have felt a little crampy. there is just a little part of me that is worried i haven't been taking a prenatal and i have had a couple drinks this week. a little shred of hope that would love to surprise DH when he gets home from Chicago on saturday with a miracle positive.

i know there isn't much of a chance...... but i can't not hope.

100th post

I have thought a lot about this post, and what I would say..... I had so many ideas, so many memories. But today, as i sat down to write this post i changed my mind. i didn't want to contemplate the last year, the last 99 blog posts, i wanted to celebrate!

I found this quote:

“The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, or not to anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.” - Buddha

today, right now, i am so happy i did this.... i started this blog because my husband urged and thought it would be good for me. i have kept going because it is good for me. my blog friends are good for me.

So to you.... you who are reading now. whether this is the first time you have read my blog or the 100th time, Thank you! Thank you from the bottom of my heart. thank you for making me laugh, making me cry, cheering me on, and most of all.... sharing your stories.

with love,
jes

doing what i can

i am determined to not let the holiday's get to me....

hanukkah is almost over, and christmas is close.

i have decided no christmas decorations this year. i have done this before, and it keeps me from going insane. it's just less work. when we are not hosting christmas at our house, i see no reason why i must decorate. so that's awesome.

also, i am not sending out holiday cards..... this is not something i have ever done, but really, i'm just not into it this year. i always send a picture, and this years fertility treatments have taken their toll on my body, not really feeling up to sending out a fat picture (sorry, i know, i am vain)

yesterday i went to a cookie swap... it was a small group, nothing out of control, but i was a little nervous about baby questions..... everything was fine, i drank too much, and didn't have to answer any obnoxious questions!! yay! good times. i also dropped off cookies at the fire station by my house.... i wanted nothing to do with all those cookies in my house!! they were stoked!! and it felt good to do something nice!

i am looking forward to saying good riddance to 2010... what a shitty year.

2011 has got to be better than this!!