hope

i don't think it is possible to completely erase TTC from my brain. i mean really we have been doing it for so long that it happens to just be part of the routine.

i get alerts regarding my cycle via mymonthlycycles.com. they email me when i am about to ovulate, and also when AF is on her way. i have been using this website to track AF for ever..... before we got married i started using it to make sure i didn't get knocked up (if i only knew).
also, to say we are not trying is not completely true. i mean we aren't taking any precautions.
i think it would be crazy to not at least do what we can.

so i get the email about ovulation, which after 47 cycles is usually pretty close to accurate, and then we do our part :) i know this is not an exact...... i am not using opk's. i am not tracking my temp. i am not doing anything that would actually confirm an ovulation, but really, by this point i kinda know what my body is telling me....

and then i sort of forget about it. until around CD 24.

today is CD 26. i got an email this morning saying that AF should be showing her head tomorrow. (also, usually pretty accurate, when my body is not pumped full of fertility drugs)
i don't know if she is coming..... i have felt a little crampy. there is just a little part of me that is worried i haven't been taking a prenatal and i have had a couple drinks this week. a little shred of hope that would love to surprise DH when he gets home from Chicago on saturday with a miracle positive.

i know there isn't much of a chance...... but i can't not hope.