hubs is away. and the day we started stims i just knew our beta would happen while he was out of the state. and of course on the day of transfer when they gave us our beta date....it was when hubs is away. i didn't even fight it. i knew they wouldn't move it up.... not for that. so i was ok for a while.
and then i started to spot. and then it got really real....what if it's negative. and hubs isn't here. so. i talked to hubs. (i made him a promise a while ago, during the 2ww of our 1st ivf cycle, no more pee sticks. no testing before beta...)
i asked him what he thought....since he is going to be away.... i just didn't want a negative test and no shoulder to cry on.
we talked.... and decided i would test early.
so i tested on monday.... after i came home from work early. i held my pee as long as i could. it was light. but it was positive.
i was ok. stilll scared, because it was so light. but ok.
tueaday morning, hubs left around 5:30. as soon as he was out the door, i tested again. it was so light on monday.... i had to see if i was getting darker. and it wasn't.. it was so much lighter.....barely there.
i was destroyed.
i spent the day in bed. mostly in tears. thinking of our next step.... where do we go from here. donor eggs? CCRM? another break?
i worked late yesterday. and needed help with my shot. the only person around was BFF's husband. we had set it up monday night. he was going to give me my shot before work around 4 o'clock. (that's a funny story for another post). i showed up. he asked how i was.....and i just started sobbing. again. he was a wreck. i was a wreck.
i told him that i was convinced it was a chemical. i explained the lighter than the day before pee stick, and he said i needed to relax. i was getting too worked up.... and told me to stop peeing on tests. (its so funny... i think all men feel that way...just stop peeing on tests!!)
i got it together sort of. i had to work. when i was leaving BFF's house i saw the most beautiful rainbow.....it was so sunny and raining so hard. like there wasn't a cloud in the sky. it gave me an inch of hope. luckily, i made it through work without crying or loosing my mind.... thanks to you ladies and your support.
this morning, i tested again. darker than yesterday....and maybe darker than monday. WTF!
i got dressed and went to dr.d's office.
i told nurse k i cheated. i told her it was positive. she was so happy. she knew i was terrified. and thank god, she understood why. to me, a positive beta is still completely terrifying...... my body was shaking as she drew my blood. dr. d came and said hi....i'm sure he saw my terror as well.
k hugged me and told me i had to relax.... my whole body was shaking.
i left.... and told the receptionist i would see her on friday... she knew i had tested.
i don't work on beta days. i never have. (i work in a restaurant...and write my own schedule...it's easy to make that happen). so i planned today to go to an outlet mall about an hour away. something to do. and something to occupy my time. so i wasn't making myself crazy at home. i shopped a little. and then i was tired.
i was home for about 10 minutes when dr. d called. he said, "we have a positive pregnancy test" i asked for the number. "40".
okay. i asked if he was ok with that number. he said the rise is more important. he said it was ok. but not concerned with today's number....he wants to see friday's number.
so today. i am a "knocked up hot mess".
thank you ladies for all your support.
also today.... i am the self-proclaimed "queen of the low beta"
we just need an 80 on friday.
Showing posts with label 2WW. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 2WW. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Hot mess
That's me. Hot fucking mess. I can't get it together today.
Hubs left for a business trip this morning. Won't be back til Sunday. I have to get through beta's without him. And quite frankly.... I'm not feeling too hopeful today.
I've cried several times today. Once in the shower.... Sobs.
I'm sitting in the parking lot of my work. Trying to pull myself together. Hopefully it's busy so my mind will be occupied for a few hours.
Hubs left for a business trip this morning. Won't be back til Sunday. I have to get through beta's without him. And quite frankly.... I'm not feeling too hopeful today.
I've cried several times today. Once in the shower.... Sobs.
I'm sitting in the parking lot of my work. Trying to pull myself together. Hopefully it's busy so my mind will be occupied for a few hours.
Monday, February 6, 2012
13dp3dt
still in the wait..... waiting forever!! i tried to get my clinic to let me have beta today.... no such luck.
my last two ivf cycles i have kept track of symptoms each day during my 2ww. this time i didn't. partially because i didn't want to make myself crazy thinking about symptoms, and partially because i was being lazy.
but i just want to write a few things down.... this is more for me than anything else. but read on if you want
sat 11dp3dt- felt pretty good. boobs still sore only on the sides and sensitive nipples. was tired during the day.... rested until work at 5. during work was super thirsty but felt pretty good. sleeping has been crappy. difficult to be comfortable all night.
sun 12dp3dt- worked during the day. felt good in morning.... very hungry. around 1:30 started to get cramps. was supposed to work until 5. left at 3 because of cramping. went home to lay down for a while.....felt ok. went to friends for superbowl....spent the whole time on the couch....cramping and feeling cold. got up only to eat and pee. home by 8. in bed by 8:30. still cramping. took some tylenol to help with cramps and mild headache. woke up once to pee in the night. again difficulty sleeping all night.
mon 13dp3dt- up again to pee at 7:30. spotting. brown. just barely a little red. FREAKED OUT!! wiped about a million times after that.... continue spotting but only brown. cramping continues. also in am lots of sneezing and nose blowing.
called dr office on the way to work. they told me to go home. went to work, was there for about 15 min and got sent home. boss said to leave. home and in bed by 11:30. stil cramping, but going to rest the rest of the day.
please please please let this be good. please.
my last two ivf cycles i have kept track of symptoms each day during my 2ww. this time i didn't. partially because i didn't want to make myself crazy thinking about symptoms, and partially because i was being lazy.
but i just want to write a few things down.... this is more for me than anything else. but read on if you want
sat 11dp3dt- felt pretty good. boobs still sore only on the sides and sensitive nipples. was tired during the day.... rested until work at 5. during work was super thirsty but felt pretty good. sleeping has been crappy. difficult to be comfortable all night.
sun 12dp3dt- worked during the day. felt good in morning.... very hungry. around 1:30 started to get cramps. was supposed to work until 5. left at 3 because of cramping. went home to lay down for a while.....felt ok. went to friends for superbowl....spent the whole time on the couch....cramping and feeling cold. got up only to eat and pee. home by 8. in bed by 8:30. still cramping. took some tylenol to help with cramps and mild headache. woke up once to pee in the night. again difficulty sleeping all night.
mon 13dp3dt- up again to pee at 7:30. spotting. brown. just barely a little red. FREAKED OUT!! wiped about a million times after that.... continue spotting but only brown. cramping continues. also in am lots of sneezing and nose blowing.
called dr office on the way to work. they told me to go home. went to work, was there for about 15 min and got sent home. boss said to leave. home and in bed by 11:30. stil cramping, but going to rest the rest of the day.
please please please let this be good. please.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
TVT
its TVT..... the 2ww version.
also known as SVT!
:-)
- today we are 8dp3dt...beta is forever from now
- P4 checked yesterday.... nurse k was super excited when she called with results. 56.76
- super weepy lately....cried during "live with kelly" today (seriously)
- major cramping the last 2 days
- if i had a dollar for every time i have squeezed, pushed, or grabbed my boobs to see if they hurt.... i would be able to pay for several IVF cycles... they still hurt....and are feeling a little on the hard side
- indigestion.... which i HATE!! thank god for tums
- today i had super light spotting at work... i kind of freaked out.... i tried to keep cool at first, but it wasn't happening. i knew it could be good news but i still freaked. called hubs. he told me to relax, and said if i can't relax i should call the doctors office so they can tell me its ok.
i called. spoke to nurse k...as i knew she would she said it was ok, and probably good. she said i should relax and sit with my feet up for a few minutes..... i work in a restaurant...hard to do, but i made it happen. and got out of work a little early, so i could go home and relax.
- i had the nurse draw a diagram on my back so hubs is making sure he is putting my shots in the right place. there have been a couple days where i just knew....because of the pain...it was totally in the wrong place. and a couple days where there was bleeding. nurse k said if i was bleeding it is definitely in the wrong spot, and possibly hitting a nerve....... explains some of my PIO pain.
- thanks for all your support ladies!!! you make the wait a little less evil
also known as SVT!
:-)
- today we are 8dp3dt...beta is forever from now
- P4 checked yesterday.... nurse k was super excited when she called with results. 56.76
- super weepy lately....cried during "live with kelly" today (seriously)
- major cramping the last 2 days
- if i had a dollar for every time i have squeezed, pushed, or grabbed my boobs to see if they hurt.... i would be able to pay for several IVF cycles... they still hurt....and are feeling a little on the hard side
- indigestion.... which i HATE!! thank god for tums
- today i had super light spotting at work... i kind of freaked out.... i tried to keep cool at first, but it wasn't happening. i knew it could be good news but i still freaked. called hubs. he told me to relax, and said if i can't relax i should call the doctors office so they can tell me its ok.
i called. spoke to nurse k...as i knew she would she said it was ok, and probably good. she said i should relax and sit with my feet up for a few minutes..... i work in a restaurant...hard to do, but i made it happen. and got out of work a little early, so i could go home and relax.
- i had the nurse draw a diagram on my back so hubs is making sure he is putting my shots in the right place. there have been a couple days where i just knew....because of the pain...it was totally in the wrong place. and a couple days where there was bleeding. nurse k said if i was bleeding it is definitely in the wrong spot, and possibly hitting a nerve....... explains some of my PIO pain.
- thanks for all your support ladies!!! you make the wait a little less evil
Monday, January 30, 2012
PIO
every cycle the PIO gets a little harder... its like my body hasn't recovered fully from the shots the last time, and here we are again. doing the shots all over.
i have tried everything. ice, no ice, laying down, standing staight up, bending over, heating the shot, room temp shot. 25g needles, 22g needles...... anything i might be missing??
right now i am doing no ice, heating the progestrone in a hearing pad after loaded into the syringe, alternating sides, 22g, 1.5 inch needle (ivf nurse suggested this needle) and standing bent over, with all my weight on opposite leg as the side shot is going into (left side shot, all my weight on right leg). after the shot i rub, in a circular motion, and sometimes i do a little heating pad.
the shots fucking hurt!
thursday night i had a giant welt that didn't go away until sunday. sometimes they bleed a little. but man o man they hurt so fucking bad lately. it just scares me to think this could be going on for 5 or 6 more weeks. i mean it would be totally worth it. but man....
any ideas ladies???
are we doing something wrong??
as for the 2ww.... i am now 6dp3dt. and i have all the crazy progestrone symptoms.
sore boobs (i am constantly grabbing them to see if they hurt.... mostly the nipples and on the sides)
crazy dreams.... so crazy the last couple night i have woken up around 4 and considered not going back to sleep so i don't have to dream such craziness.
cramping
constipation
extreme thirst
hunger
amazing smelling abilities
wednesday i have bloodwork.....just P4 and E2. my clinic makes me wait FOREVER for beta's..... luckily i will be working every day until my beta... hopefully the time will pass quickly.
i have tried everything. ice, no ice, laying down, standing staight up, bending over, heating the shot, room temp shot. 25g needles, 22g needles...... anything i might be missing??
right now i am doing no ice, heating the progestrone in a hearing pad after loaded into the syringe, alternating sides, 22g, 1.5 inch needle (ivf nurse suggested this needle) and standing bent over, with all my weight on opposite leg as the side shot is going into (left side shot, all my weight on right leg). after the shot i rub, in a circular motion, and sometimes i do a little heating pad.
the shots fucking hurt!
thursday night i had a giant welt that didn't go away until sunday. sometimes they bleed a little. but man o man they hurt so fucking bad lately. it just scares me to think this could be going on for 5 or 6 more weeks. i mean it would be totally worth it. but man....
any ideas ladies???
are we doing something wrong??
as for the 2ww.... i am now 6dp3dt. and i have all the crazy progestrone symptoms.
sore boobs (i am constantly grabbing them to see if they hurt.... mostly the nipples and on the sides)
crazy dreams.... so crazy the last couple night i have woken up around 4 and considered not going back to sleep so i don't have to dream such craziness.
cramping
constipation
extreme thirst
hunger
amazing smelling abilities
wednesday i have bloodwork.....just P4 and E2. my clinic makes me wait FOREVER for beta's..... luckily i will be working every day until my beta... hopefully the time will pass quickly.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
4dp3dt
today is 4dp3dt. i am still preggo. nothing major to report....but here are random thoughts in bullet points..
- major cramping the first couple days after transfer. it made me kind of nervous, and kind of excited.
- i have been off work since last friday. really nice, as my job sucks
- i spent tuesday(day of transfer) and wednesday in bed. with dear hubs waiting on me hand a foot. it was nice. he is great.
during my bedrest i watched a rediculous amount of movies....
*crazy, stupid love.... a new favorite. partially because ryan gosling is so damn sexy
*morning glory...it was ok...not amazing
*bad teacher..... the funniest part of the movie was watching cameron diaz trying to light a bong with her stove....i laughed for a while after that :-) hahaha
*moneyball....good. very good.
*the ides of march..... feeding into my love of ryan gosling again...it was ok.
*bridesmaids..... this was my seond attempt at watching bridesmaids. the first time i fell asleep.... didn't love it. i now understand why i slept through it the first time. and strange because i feel like EVERYONE loved that movie.
there may have been more ..... thats what i remember.
- i have started to feel the effects of the progestrone. sore nipples. metal taste in mouth. tired. crazy. thirsty. and for some reason when i am on progestrone, i tend to feel sorry for myself....it sucks.
- the other day i hung out with bff and her little man....(he is 2 and the love of my life). several times he wanted me to pick him up, or hold him, or snuggle with him.....i was so sad i couldn't just pick him up and hug him and squeeze him.....but it will be so awesome when has a little cousin(s) to play with
- hubs and i went to the keys yesterday.... it was nice. a change on scenery. we laid by the hotel pool, fished, ate stone crabs, and stared at the ocean. very nice. i think i needed the little getaway....
-yesterday and today are the days that my embabies should be burrowing in for the long haul. i have been thinking about them constantly and praying they stick around. please please please.
-tomorrow is my last day off before i have to go back to work. maybe i can convince hubs to go to the beach for a little bit...
- i have some new followers....thanks for joining.... and thanks so everyone for all your kind words and encouragment..... it means more than you could know
xoxoxo
- major cramping the first couple days after transfer. it made me kind of nervous, and kind of excited.
- i have been off work since last friday. really nice, as my job sucks
- i spent tuesday(day of transfer) and wednesday in bed. with dear hubs waiting on me hand a foot. it was nice. he is great.
during my bedrest i watched a rediculous amount of movies....
*crazy, stupid love.... a new favorite. partially because ryan gosling is so damn sexy
*morning glory...it was ok...not amazing
*bad teacher..... the funniest part of the movie was watching cameron diaz trying to light a bong with her stove....i laughed for a while after that :-) hahaha
*moneyball....good. very good.
*the ides of march..... feeding into my love of ryan gosling again...it was ok.
*bridesmaids..... this was my seond attempt at watching bridesmaids. the first time i fell asleep.... didn't love it. i now understand why i slept through it the first time. and strange because i feel like EVERYONE loved that movie.
there may have been more ..... thats what i remember.
- i have started to feel the effects of the progestrone. sore nipples. metal taste in mouth. tired. crazy. thirsty. and for some reason when i am on progestrone, i tend to feel sorry for myself....it sucks.
- the other day i hung out with bff and her little man....(he is 2 and the love of my life). several times he wanted me to pick him up, or hold him, or snuggle with him.....i was so sad i couldn't just pick him up and hug him and squeeze him.....but it will be so awesome when has a little cousin(s) to play with
- hubs and i went to the keys yesterday.... it was nice. a change on scenery. we laid by the hotel pool, fished, ate stone crabs, and stared at the ocean. very nice. i think i needed the little getaway....
-yesterday and today are the days that my embabies should be burrowing in for the long haul. i have been thinking about them constantly and praying they stick around. please please please.
-tomorrow is my last day off before i have to go back to work. maybe i can convince hubs to go to the beach for a little bit...
- i have some new followers....thanks for joining.... and thanks so everyone for all your kind words and encouragment..... it means more than you could know
xoxoxo
Thursday, May 26, 2011
still here
and still waiting......
why is it we are hopeful at first and then we start to be nervous.... we start to think it didn't work.
i think i have gone into self preservation mode. the waiting of IF is the worst part.
why is it we are hopeful at first and then we start to be nervous.... we start to think it didn't work.
i think i have gone into self preservation mode. the waiting of IF is the worst part.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
6dp5dt
if i am not pregnant, than the progrestrone is seriously fucking with my body and possibly my head.
first off.... i have had a bit of a reaction to the endometrin...sorry if this is TMI, but this blog is for me too. my vag has been a little uncomfortable and itchy from time to time. it started the day after transfer. i spoke with nurse i (not my favorite) twice, the first time she said i could go to PIO if i wanted. the second time she told me about how it was the best drug on the market for luteal phase and preventing miscarriage and was used by 99% of the world. finally i spoke with another nurse who suggested some a&d ointment or even some monistat to help witht he itch..... thats all i wanted!! a little relief. so now my who-ha is feeling much much better :D
second..... and i knew it would be.... my boobs hurt....bad. sometimes its my nipples.....sometimes its my boobs. i have slept with a sports bra a couple nights.
third....bloat. man. yesterday and today have been the worst. super bloated. thank god all of my work clothes are on the big side since my recent weight loss. :D
i have also been pretty tired. the first couple days i was fine. friday i worked all day(11:30-8:30) and i felt good, but yesterday i was DONE! i got up at 9:30, which is pretty late for me, and was back in bed by 11:30..... napped til 2:30. i had to do grocery shopping yesterday, so i dragged hubs out as i needed help since i can't lift anything. we had to go to the farmers market and the real grocery store..... after the farmers market i was done..... but i dragged myself to the grocery store as well. we were probably out for about an hour and a half.... i was back in bed around 4:45 til about 7. we went to dinner and the beach and was again back in bed by 10 for the night.
again today i was exhausted. worked from 9:30-5..... from 9:30-11 i was dragging my ass.... and then by 3:30 i was done. so tired.
been in bed since 5:30 when i got home. got up twice to let the dog out, and get food, but thats it.
i have been admiring the photo of my gorgeous little embabies..... i so wish and pray that they stay with me for a lifetime. i love them so much already.
beta day is coming and i CAN'T wait! sorry but i'm not sharing the date of my beta.....
hubs and i decided we need to know for a little before we tell anyone....
for those of you who have commented on my strength in not testing...... i do have to say...we don't have any pee sticks in the house, and i am so scared hubs would know if i went out and bought one....he would be so angry.....
soooooooo that helps to keep me on track.
welcome new followers!! thanks for joining my ride! i hope i get to know you and your ride as well!
xoxo
first off.... i have had a bit of a reaction to the endometrin...sorry if this is TMI, but this blog is for me too. my vag has been a little uncomfortable and itchy from time to time. it started the day after transfer. i spoke with nurse i (not my favorite) twice, the first time she said i could go to PIO if i wanted. the second time she told me about how it was the best drug on the market for luteal phase and preventing miscarriage and was used by 99% of the world. finally i spoke with another nurse who suggested some a&d ointment or even some monistat to help witht he itch..... thats all i wanted!! a little relief. so now my who-ha is feeling much much better :D
second..... and i knew it would be.... my boobs hurt....bad. sometimes its my nipples.....sometimes its my boobs. i have slept with a sports bra a couple nights.
third....bloat. man. yesterday and today have been the worst. super bloated. thank god all of my work clothes are on the big side since my recent weight loss. :D
i have also been pretty tired. the first couple days i was fine. friday i worked all day(11:30-8:30) and i felt good, but yesterday i was DONE! i got up at 9:30, which is pretty late for me, and was back in bed by 11:30..... napped til 2:30. i had to do grocery shopping yesterday, so i dragged hubs out as i needed help since i can't lift anything. we had to go to the farmers market and the real grocery store..... after the farmers market i was done..... but i dragged myself to the grocery store as well. we were probably out for about an hour and a half.... i was back in bed around 4:45 til about 7. we went to dinner and the beach and was again back in bed by 10 for the night.
again today i was exhausted. worked from 9:30-5..... from 9:30-11 i was dragging my ass.... and then by 3:30 i was done. so tired.
been in bed since 5:30 when i got home. got up twice to let the dog out, and get food, but thats it.
i have been admiring the photo of my gorgeous little embabies..... i so wish and pray that they stay with me for a lifetime. i love them so much already.
beta day is coming and i CAN'T wait! sorry but i'm not sharing the date of my beta.....
hubs and i decided we need to know for a little before we tell anyone....
for those of you who have commented on my strength in not testing...... i do have to say...we don't have any pee sticks in the house, and i am so scared hubs would know if i went out and bought one....he would be so angry.....
soooooooo that helps to keep me on track.
welcome new followers!! thanks for joining my ride! i hope i get to know you and your ride as well!
xoxo
Friday, May 20, 2011
may iclw
welcome iclw er's!!
i love iclw......because i love comments, and even more i truly get excited for each new follower i have!!
for my bloggy friends who have been following me.... thank you for everything!! your support and positive words have lifted me up and made this ride easier. i feel so very luck to have you in my life! xoxox
for new visitor's.....i hope you stick around! :D my happily ever after is coming!
a few things you should know about me.......
1. i'm not really a fan of capitalization. i usually only type in lowercase, sorry if this bothers you.
2. i love punctuation!!! i might use it wrong...... sorry if this also bothers you.
3. i love my husband more than he could ever know. i feel lucky to have such an amazing man standing by my side everyday.
4. started TTC in january 2009. began seeing RE #1, Dr. D in january of 2010. 2 natural cycle iui's....both BFN. ivf #1....positive beta, chemical pregnancy with rising betas..... treated as an ectopic with a methotrexate shot. went to RE # 2 in july 2010, Dr. Mumbles. ivf #2....cancelled..... two follies big enough to retrieve, other follies too small.
5. after 22 months solid of TTC i had become a shell of the person i used to be. i had alienated
myself from the world. i had gained 30 pounds. i became unable to sleep through the night. i stopped pushing myself towards a better job. i stopped doing things that made me happy. i was basically miserable.
6. i took six months off from october 2010-april of this year. i need to find me; the old me. i dug my soul out of the ditch that i had thrown it into. i have regained friendships. i have come out of the IF closet to most people in my life (everyone but work people). i lost 29 pounds!! i actually feel good about myself.
7. on monday, (may 16th) we transferred 2 perfect frozen embabies to my gorgeous, plush, 10mm triple layer uterine lining.
8. i do acupuncture. and i LOVE it!
9. i am feeling great!! i have set goals for my 2ww.
a. no stress
b. no POAS- i promised the girls at my RE's office i wouldn't cheat. and i think it will just make me crazy.... it definitely
made me crazy last time!!
c. no dr. google. this will be the most difficult for me. google is like an addiction. i google EVERYTHING!!!!
10. i used to think women who blogged about infertility were a little crazy.....with all the abbreviations, and crazy sad stories. my husband urged me to start blogging because he thought it would be good for me.
i never could have known how special this place would become for me. i never could have known that the women i have never met could mean so much to me. i never could have known i would call these people my "friends". i never could have known this would be the best place for me to share some of my deepest darkest thoughts and feelings. this community is amazing!!!
i am feeling so lucky that iclw is happening during the hardest days of the 2WW. i am so happy i will be able to have you ladies to share my story with! and to occupy my mind and keep me from going crazy :D
thanks so much for stopping by...... i hope you stick around to follow my story because it will have a happy ending! all i want is to be a mom. its all i ever wished for.......
i love iclw......because i love comments, and even more i truly get excited for each new follower i have!!
for my bloggy friends who have been following me.... thank you for everything!! your support and positive words have lifted me up and made this ride easier. i feel so very luck to have you in my life! xoxox
for new visitor's.....i hope you stick around! :D my happily ever after is coming!
a few things you should know about me.......
1. i'm not really a fan of capitalization. i usually only type in lowercase, sorry if this bothers you.
2. i love punctuation!!! i might use it wrong...... sorry if this also bothers you.
3. i love my husband more than he could ever know. i feel lucky to have such an amazing man standing by my side everyday.
4. started TTC in january 2009. began seeing RE #1, Dr. D in january of 2010. 2 natural cycle iui's....both BFN. ivf #1....positive beta, chemical pregnancy with rising betas..... treated as an ectopic with a methotrexate shot. went to RE # 2 in july 2010, Dr. Mumbles. ivf #2....cancelled..... two follies big enough to retrieve, other follies too small.
5. after 22 months solid of TTC i had become a shell of the person i used to be. i had alienated
myself from the world. i had gained 30 pounds. i became unable to sleep through the night. i stopped pushing myself towards a better job. i stopped doing things that made me happy. i was basically miserable.
6. i took six months off from october 2010-april of this year. i need to find me; the old me. i dug my soul out of the ditch that i had thrown it into. i have regained friendships. i have come out of the IF closet to most people in my life (everyone but work people). i lost 29 pounds!! i actually feel good about myself.
7. on monday, (may 16th) we transferred 2 perfect frozen embabies to my gorgeous, plush, 10mm triple layer uterine lining.
8. i do acupuncture. and i LOVE it!
9. i am feeling great!! i have set goals for my 2ww.
a. no stress
b. no POAS- i promised the girls at my RE's office i wouldn't cheat. and i think it will just make me crazy.... it definitely
made me crazy last time!!
c. no dr. google. this will be the most difficult for me. google is like an addiction. i google EVERYTHING!!!!
10. i used to think women who blogged about infertility were a little crazy.....with all the abbreviations, and crazy sad stories. my husband urged me to start blogging because he thought it would be good for me.
i never could have known how special this place would become for me. i never could have known that the women i have never met could mean so much to me. i never could have known i would call these people my "friends". i never could have known this would be the best place for me to share some of my deepest darkest thoughts and feelings. this community is amazing!!!
i am feeling so lucky that iclw is happening during the hardest days of the 2WW. i am so happy i will be able to have you ladies to share my story with! and to occupy my mind and keep me from going crazy :D
thanks so much for stopping by...... i hope you stick around to follow my story because it will have a happy ending! all i want is to be a mom. its all i ever wished for.......
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
12dp3dt
Still Waiting......
Tomorrow is cycle day 26. D-day I guess. If I am not preggo, I could get AF tomorrow. CD 26 is always when it comes. I am secretly scared. Why couldn't I have already had my beta??
I took off work tomorrow and friday. There is no way in hell that i wanted to be caught off guard with any news. Maybe this is me being negative, but I think this is also me protecting my heart from unnecessary hurt.
Wish me luck!!
Will post after my beta on friday.
Tomorrow is cycle day 26. D-day I guess. If I am not preggo, I could get AF tomorrow. CD 26 is always when it comes. I am secretly scared. Why couldn't I have already had my beta??
I took off work tomorrow and friday. There is no way in hell that i wanted to be caught off guard with any news. Maybe this is me being negative, but I think this is also me protecting my heart from unnecessary hurt.
Wish me luck!!
Will post after my beta on friday.
Monday, May 31, 2010
10dp3dt
So, I was forced into making some promises today.......
First, I had to promise DH, love of my life, that I would not POAS anymore until my beta. (Which by the way is a ridiculously long time away... Friday @ 14dp3dt) I POAS again today. BFN. This BFN ruined my day. Way too many tears, but I was holding out for this one to be a positive, I mean its basically been 2 weeks. I think if it is positive I should get a positive by now, but whatever. I am going to try and keep cool, and try to hold on to the ounce of hope that I have left.
Second, as if the torture wasn't bad enough, my darling BF, my sister from another mister, caught on to my shitty ass mood today, and made me promise to stay off the Google. "NO MORE!! It's got to make a person crazy!!"
So here I am. Alone. Waiting.
DH is off to NYC for his sister's graduation from law school. A trip that I was supposed to go on as well, but Dr. D advised against, just something else to add to the list of DON'TS.
Friday can not come fast enough.
This week I will occupy my time. I will also listen to my fertility hypnosis. I will make it.
First, I had to promise DH, love of my life, that I would not POAS anymore until my beta. (Which by the way is a ridiculously long time away... Friday @ 14dp3dt) I POAS again today. BFN. This BFN ruined my day. Way too many tears, but I was holding out for this one to be a positive, I mean its basically been 2 weeks. I think if it is positive I should get a positive by now, but whatever. I am going to try and keep cool, and try to hold on to the ounce of hope that I have left.
Second, as if the torture wasn't bad enough, my darling BF, my sister from another mister, caught on to my shitty ass mood today, and made me promise to stay off the Google. "NO MORE!! It's got to make a person crazy!!"
So here I am. Alone. Waiting.
DH is off to NYC for his sister's graduation from law school. A trip that I was supposed to go on as well, but Dr. D advised against, just something else to add to the list of DON'TS.
Friday can not come fast enough.
This week I will occupy my time. I will also listen to my fertility hypnosis. I will make it.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
8dp3dt
I HATE THE 2WW!!
Isn't it funny that 2ww backwards is WW2. Also something completely terrible.
The first couple days were fine, I was fine. I didn't think about it.
Now, I think my head could explode at any moment. I have tried to stay positive, but it is really just not that easy. I was ok until Thursday (6dp3dt). Now I am not ok. Yesterday I woke up with tiny little pimples all over my face. NOT FUN! This brought on a feel bad for myself kind of day. By 6 o'clock I was in tears.
I POAS yesterday.....I know its too early, as you all guessed BFN. But, I will not let it get me down, I had to do it. I had to try. I will POAS again on Monday. I don't think that will be too early. That will be the deciding factor. that is 10dp3dt, 13dpo. My beta, for some ungodly reason isn't till Friday, June 4. It seems like months away.
I don't think this is the month.
When we went for the transfer last week, I told my unbelievable, amazing husband that we needed to make it past these next two weeks unscathed. The reason I say this, is because after IUI#1, actually, the day of IUI#1, DH's mother died....STRESS!!! (They were never close, but still a very stressful situation) After IUI #2, 6 days later, my sister-in-law had a massive brain hemorrhage, and almost died. SHITLOAD OF STRESS!!! (She is doing much better, and things are going well) So, I have been praying for things to stay status quo. Normal. No Drama.
So far so good. Except for the fact that I hate the 2WW!!
Please lord help me get through this week, and oh, I would really like to be pregnant.
Isn't it funny that 2ww backwards is WW2. Also something completely terrible.
The first couple days were fine, I was fine. I didn't think about it.
Now, I think my head could explode at any moment. I have tried to stay positive, but it is really just not that easy. I was ok until Thursday (6dp3dt). Now I am not ok. Yesterday I woke up with tiny little pimples all over my face. NOT FUN! This brought on a feel bad for myself kind of day. By 6 o'clock I was in tears.
I POAS yesterday.....I know its too early, as you all guessed BFN. But, I will not let it get me down, I had to do it. I had to try. I will POAS again on Monday. I don't think that will be too early. That will be the deciding factor. that is 10dp3dt, 13dpo. My beta, for some ungodly reason isn't till Friday, June 4. It seems like months away.
I don't think this is the month.
When we went for the transfer last week, I told my unbelievable, amazing husband that we needed to make it past these next two weeks unscathed. The reason I say this, is because after IUI#1, actually, the day of IUI#1, DH's mother died....STRESS!!! (They were never close, but still a very stressful situation) After IUI #2, 6 days later, my sister-in-law had a massive brain hemorrhage, and almost died. SHITLOAD OF STRESS!!! (She is doing much better, and things are going well) So, I have been praying for things to stay status quo. Normal. No Drama.
So far so good. Except for the fact that I hate the 2WW!!
Please lord help me get through this week, and oh, I would really like to be pregnant.
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